I've heard this a lot lately from public figures (or, ahem, clients) who find themselves under some form of punishment for various misdeeds: "It's not like I killed somebody!" A close cousin is the double-disbelief: "I didn't kill nobody! I didn't rape nobody!" Well, yeah, dumbass, you didn't, and you're not being punished like you did, either. Oh, we can't say anything bad about Michael Jackson's dubious relations because "It's not like he killed anybody." True, of course, although most murderers would trade a little loss of reputation at Neverland for being the most revered man at Shawshank. Manny Ramirez complains about his fifty-game suspension for using steroids by whining "I didn't kill nobody! I didn't rape nobody!" No, Manny, you didn't, because if you had, they'd suspend you until the All-Star Break. Manny should ask Michael Vick about proportionality of punishment. Vick's supporters, naturally, moan that he shouldn't have received a two-year sentence for his dogfighting activities because he didn't actually kill a person. Sure, he didn't kill anybody, but he should ask Rae Carruth what would have happened if he treated a person like he treated dogs. The criminal justice system sure would be different if murder and rape were the only crimes you could be punished for.

It must have been fun to live in the 1930s, when everyone had a brand-new car, no matter their occupation or social station. At least, that's what you would be led to believe watching period films, like The Untouchables or, apparently, the new Public Enemies. I realize these old cars are antiques now, but some period movies seem to make a fetish of verisimilitude, yet depict every vehicle as gleaming and in pristine condition. Look, this isn't like Carl Carlson on that "Simpsons" episode asking, "How come oldies stations are always playing the same song? How bout some NEW oldies, geniuses!" Cars made back then are actually old now. Dig one out of a junkyard and park it somewhere in the movie. Other than "O Brother, Where Art Thou, I'm having a hard time coming up with a movie that had period jalopies. I guess they don't give out Oscars for finding junkers.