Cannonball!

And in other news, I just experienced an earthquake (according to the USGS website it looks like the quake was a magnitude 3.8). It lasted for about 7 seconds and it shook my desk, my blinds, and the floor. No damage or injuries reported, but it was an exciting way to start my day.

to know anything about her private life. She didn't have a private life.

I am headed to the bookstore today to pick up as many of the following reader recommendations as are available: Ahab's Wife, Skinny Dip, Look Homeward, Angel, Bangkok 8, The Pirate Hunter : The True Story of Captain Kidd, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, The Historian, and At swim, two boys. That is very diverse list of new reads, and I'm looking forward to these books with the hope of not only enjoying them in their own right, but hopefully finding some ideas for things to write about. In addition, I'm going to look for Pornified on the suggestion of my co-blogger.

Speaking of porn, and in case you were wondering why I am going to purchase all of these books rather than check them out from the library, I don't check out books from the library for the same reason that I won't rent porn from Blockbuster (that is to say, if I was into porn - which I am not). The thing is, other people check out books from the library. Some of these people are disgusting. They take books into the bathroom. These people read books in the bathroom and I know that some (all?) of the books checked out from the library have at one time been bathroom books. That freaks me the hell out, man! I can't deal with it. I don't want someone's nasty bathroom book in my house, much less in my hands (no matter how soothing one finds the pastoral images of French Impressionism). Color me squeamish, but you can keep your potty books to yourself, thank you very much.

And speaking of thanks, I would like to thank all the readers who offered their book suggestions. I really do appreciate the help. Let me show my thanks by recommending to all of you a book that I enjoyed reading two years ago: Still Wild: Short Fiction of the American West 1950 to the Present. It's a collection of fiction edited by Larry McMurtry, and it features stories by Wallace Stegner, Tom McGuane, Jack Kerouac, William H. Gass, Raymond Carver, among others (including Annie Proulx's story Brokeback Mountain, the basis for Ang Lee's "gay cowboy movie" of the same name). If for some reason you can't deal with the story of a pair of gay Wyoming sheepherders, well, you can skip that tale and still enjoy the book.

The reason I haven't been posting much any lately is that I'm in the process of moving. The scene in the picture may or may not have something to do with it. Anyway, I'll have something later today. I have a few thoughts stored up, but would also entertain any requests from readers. Thanks for bearing with me.

On Thursday of last week, I had my annual review, a five-minute meeting with my boss and my supervisor in which I was told that everyone was pleased with my work and they are happy to have me around. Everyone thinks I am nice, and nice is certainly the image I've tried to cultivate around here. Rule #40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. Girls will think you're "sweet."

Yesterday, Mr. Two Weeks Vacation announced to me that he is leaving for good - in two weeks. He used excuse after excuse to avoid the hardest days of work during the past year. Rule #73 - No excuses. Play like a champion. Oh, and did I mention that he said he slept through Wedding Crashers? This annoys me for two reasons: (1) I love this movie! It might be the funniest movie since Dumb & Dumber, and (2) He asked this morning if I wanted to go grab a muffin for breakfast and I shot back, "Rule #35. Breakfast is for closers." His response was a blank stare. I can't work with a man who looks at me like I'm crazy when I quote the rules of wedding crashing to him. Can't do it. He will not be missed.

Bryan Curtis's article in Slate has me feeling a little self-conscious about my rampant use of Seinfeld quotes for post titles. In describing the "sincere bastardization" of Seinfeld by Madison Avenue, Curtis opines that:

Regurgitating a Seinfeld line has become one of the easiest ways to flatter the intelligence and good taste of the TV viewer. This is true even when the Seinfeld reference comes alongside a mismatched product, like a Chrysler - Seinfeld serves to elevate the product's hipness, as Led Zeppelin music did for Cadillac commercials.

I'm not going to refrain from using Seinfeld quotes - often that's all my posts consist of - but neither will I sulk at being called out by Mr. Curtis. Rule #6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but do it on your own terms.

Where is Milbarge? I've been wondering that, too. Rule #29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again. Also, Rule #65 - When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island. Speaking of blog silence, my blogroll keeps shrinking. Bloggers are dropping around me so fast I feel like I'm Tom Hanks on Omaha Beach. Others have moved on to new digs, which reminds me of Rule #54 - Avoid virgins. They're too clingy. (the exception that proves the rule is The 40-year-old Virgin - well worth the investment in time and money)

Finally, let me leave you with this piece of wisdom: Rule #82 - Always think ahead but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.

Exactly. I've been telling Milbarge the same thing for months now. Having grown up in and spent my entire life in evangelical churches, I don't know any evangelical Christians who are comfortable with or would classify Mormonism as a denomination of Christianity.

(post edited slightly since original publication)