I think I have ruined a friendship, one I value a great deal. In fairness, I did something stupid, but I think my friend has overreacted if in fact my act has ended our friendship. But I don't think that telling my friend that ending our friendship is a bit of an overreaction is the best way to get back in my friend's good graces, or even to get my friend to talk to me again.

I completely understand if what I did hurt my friend. I regretted it the minute it happened, and have emailed and left messages saying so. But I would hope that a long period of friendship would count for something. My friend and I have been through a lot, and I need this friend in my life. And I thought I meant something to my friend too.

I'm not really asking for advice. I know that the only thing I can do is wait and hope that eventually my friend returns my messages. It's not really possible for me to pull a Cusack and show up on my friend's lawn with a boombox. And, I don't want to go off the deep end if it turns out that my friend has just been busy lately. Although, I think I know my friend well enough to sense that it's something more than that here.

So, I'm in limbo. If I knew the friendship was over, I could grieve over it (and grieve I would). If I knew it was just wounded, I would try to fix things. If I knew we were okay, I could get back to normal. Not knowing is driving me nuts. If my friend is reading this, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did. I still want to be your friend, and I hope it's mutual. Let me know what I can do to make things right. I've ended friendships before (both passively and actively), and I don't want this to be one of them.

(As a side note, to my readers, especially the ones who know me outside the blog. Please don't speculate in the comments about who my friend is or what I've done. You may not be right, and even if you are, I don't want to discuss it here. I will delete comments that speculate about specifics. If you must discuss it, feel free to email me, but don't count on confirmation.)